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American Twitter-Jesus: Is Best Jesus

American JesusAmerican Twitter-Jesus is the Best, the Greatest Jesus.  The other Jesus?  He’s not a savior. He was a savior because he was captured. I like saviors who weren’t captured.

The above statement is one of the many great things that the American evangelicals love so much about their most supported political savior of all time–American Twitter-Jesus, the best Jesus, the greatest Jesus, believe me.   To celebrate the first coming of the Derp God, welcome to Words from the new American evangelical savior.

2 Trumpinthians 3:17

That’s the whole ballgame, right?:

“In the old days, they’d say she has a bad body”   –Trumponbitches 1:27

“A person who is very flat-chested is very hard to be a 10.  OK?”  –Trumponbitches 1:32

“You know, it doesn’t really matter what [the media] write as long as you’ve got a young and beautiful piece of ass.”  –Doherwithmoney 1:1

“With the proper woman you don’t need Viagra” –Doherwithmoney 1:6

“Oftentimes when I was sleeping with one of the top women in the world I would say to myself, thinking about me as a boy from Queens, ‘Can you believe what I am getting?'” –Trumponbitches 2:69

“My life has been about winning. My life has not been about losing.” –Trumpverbs 1:1

“She does have a very nice figure. I’ve said that if Ivanka weren’t my daughter, perhaps I’d be dating her.” –Trumponbitches 4:20

“My marriage, it seemed, was the only area of my life in which I was willing to accept something less than perfection.” –Trumpverbs 3:11

“I have never seen a thin person drinking Diet Coke.” –Trumpverbs 2:6

“The concept of shaking hands is absolutely terrible, and statistically I’ve been proven right.” –Trumpverbs 2:1

“You may get AIDS by kissing.” –Trumpverbs 6:13

“If Hillary Clinton can’t satisfy her husband what makes her think she can satisfy America?” –Trumpverbs 2:28

“When you’re a star, they let you do it. You can do anything …Grab them by the pussy … You can do anything.”  –Doheriwithmoney 3:14

“I did try and fuck her. She was married. And I moved on her very heavily.”  –Doherwithmoney 3:17

“I said, ‘I’ll show you where they have some nice furniture.’ I took her [for] furniture—I moved on her like a bitch. But I couldn’t get there. And she was married.” –Doherwithmoney 3:19

“Then all of a sudden I see her, she’s now got the big phony tits and everything. She’s totally changed her look.” –Doherwithmoney 3:20

And, I hate it. I am a traditionalist. I have so many fabulous friends who happen to be gay, but I am a traditionalist.” –Trumpverbs 4:69

 

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